Holiday Dip/Schmear

It’s crunch time at the day job, so I don’t have anything terribly sophisticated or involved today. But then again, that’s probably not a bad thing. The holidays are complex and stressful enough as it is, and given how elaborate and involved the cooking on Thanksgiving, Chanukah, and Christmas tends to be, it’s not a bad idea to have something that you can throw together quickly and without much effort. Assuming you have a food processor, that is. If you don’t, this recipe is probably not in your future, although a blender might suffice in a pinch.

Anyway, this is dip season, as far as I’m concerned. Yes, during other times of the year we all like salsa or guacamole with chips, but this is the time of year when you start to throw together all manner of dairy-based gooey concoctions that you then eat with reckless abandon on chips, crackers, bread rounds, or whatever. This is a favorite dip of mine, although as the title indicates, it can serve as either dip or schmear, depending on context. Hell, if you're a fan of the lesser works of a bygone comedy troupe, you can call it "The Salmon Mousse" in a sepulchral voice. Knock yourself out.

It's also notable for providing a lot of flavor for precious little effort. As an old friend of mine once noted (Hi, Kel), cooking is reverse sprezzatura. Sprezzatura is an Italian term dating back to the Renaissance, and it basically means to make something difficult look effortless (e.g., figure skating). Cooking, said my friend, is the reverse: it’s all about making something easy look as difficult as possible. This one is about as easy as it gets, but people really seem to love it and seem to think it’s "gourmet" or "fancy." Let ‘em. Holiday entertaining isn’t for the faint of heart.

Anyway, I think I have finally managed to take an "ingredients photo" that actually contains all of the ingredients. You need four ounces (about 125g) of smoked salmon—the firmer, drier kind is good here, but smoked trout or any other smoked fish you might find will work, too. Then you’ll need a garlic clove, a couple of scallions, some lemon juice, and about eight ounces (about 250g) of cream cheese. And yes, the low-fat Neufchatel version will work here. But it’s the holidays. Live a little, will ya?

At this point, it’s just a matter of thrashing things about in a food processor. I usually begin by mincing the scallions and garlic.

Then you remove the skin from the salmon. It should peel off easily. Skinning cooked fish is infinitely easier than skinning raw fish, btw.

Break the salmon into chunks and toss it into the processor. It usually doesn’t have any bones, but it’s not a bad idea to keep an eye out for them as you break it up. Btw, since smoked salmon is already salty, don’t add any salt to this mixture until after you’ve tasted it. Since I’m using peppered smoked salmon here, I didn’t add any pepper, either.

Purée until it looks like something your cat might be interested in.

Now add the cream cheese to the machine, along with the juice of half a lemon, and fire it up. You may have to hang on to your processor, since the cream cheese tends to make the thing thrash about a bit at first. If it seems too thick, add more lemon juice.

Et voilà. It doesn’t get an A+ for visuals (my feeble photographic skills don't do it any favors), but you can gussy it up by throwing in some parsley or dill or other herbs that strike your fancy. Come to think of it, if you wanted to spice it up, a teaspoon or so of prepared horseradish would be a nice addition .

You can then serve it with crackers or bread, or whatever you feel inclined to spread/schmear it on, including on bagels in the morning. Bon appetìt, y’all.

No “original” recipe this time, but here are the ingredients I used:

4 oz./125g peppered smoked salmon

8 oz./250g cream cheese

2 scallions

1 garlic clove

juice of 1 lemon

salt and pepper, to taste